What do lawyers use for birth control? * Theirpersonalities.
What is the difference between a tick and alawyer? * A tick falls off of you when you die.
Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and theirclients? * To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand? *Not enough sand.
What's the difference between a deadskunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of theroad? * There are skid marks in front of the skunk. What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? * ADoberman. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? * If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched,they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
What do lawyers and sperm have in common? * One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being. Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? * They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Lawyer's creed: * A man is innocent until proven broke.
What's the difference between a female lawyer and a
pit bull? * Lipstick. What do you call 20 lawyers
skydiving from an airplane? * Skeet.
What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer? *Chelsea Clinton
If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him? * It might be your bicycle.