Saturday, December 16, 2006

Question well answered

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades wereposted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

Funny Insults

You're so stupid that you can't get from A to B without going through the rest of the alphabet!

Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.

yo mama is so stupid she went to the movie theater and it said under 17 not addmitted and she went and got 16 of her friends

Friday, December 15, 2006

Come backs

Man: So, what's your sign?
Woman: No Entry

Man: Please whisper those 3 little words that would make my day!
Woman: Go to hell

Man: Hey there, haven't I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes, and that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: So, how do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized

Put Downs

Excuse me, is that your nose, or are you eating a Banana

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception

I hear you're connected to the Police Department - by a pair of handcuffs

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

You're the kind of man that is a blueprint for building an idiot.

I'd like to leave you with one thought...unfortunately I ain't sure you have anywhere to put it!

Funny Insults

Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorderAll day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and MoeNext time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?Sure, I'd love to help you, which way did you come in?Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.Well, they do say opposites I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?Why don't you slip into something more a coma.You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'

Saddams Underwear


Wednesday, December 6, 2006

Signs and Notices

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations across the United States and rest of the world.These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.Sign in a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.Sign in the window of a Swedish furrier: "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin." Sign on the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life." Detour sign in Kobe, Japan: "Stop: Drive Sideways."

Psychiatric Hotline

Hello, and welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional...

Tuesday, December 5, 2006


A Professor at one of the IIM's ( INDIA ) was explainingmarketing concepts to the students:-
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up toher and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That'sDirect Marketing.

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and seea gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to herand pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him."- That's Advertising.

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party . You go up toher and get her telephone number. The next day, youcall and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That'sTelemarketing.

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You getup and straighten your tie, you walk up to her andpour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) forher, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer herride and then say :"By the way, I'm rich. Will youmarry me?" - That's Public Relations.

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walksup to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry! me?" - That's Brand Recognition.

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up toher and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives youa nice hard slap on your face. - That's CustomerFeedback.

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up toher and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And sheintroduces you to her husband. - That's demand andsupply gap.

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up toher and before you say anything, another person comeand tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and shegoes with him - That's competition eating into yourmarket share.

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up toher and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" yourwife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets.

Monday, December 4, 2006

Be Faithful

A married couple having their first baby were invited to make use of a newmachine that would transfer a portion of the mother'slabour pains to theBaby's bilogical father wherever he may be. Both werehappy to try it.The pain transfer was set to 10 percent but thehusband felt nothing So thedoctor increased it to 20 percent. The father said hestill felt Fine andhis blood pressure was normal. He invited the doctorto kick it up to 50percent. Still no reaction.The doctor was amazed and slowly transferred all thepain until the Wifedelivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.She and her husband and the doctor were ecstatic.When they got home, the gardener was lying dead at thegate, from theLabour pains.Be faithful to your partners !!!!

Saturday, December 2, 2006

President by the balls

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank and says she wants to open a savings account. The account person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account, and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars." The account person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag." The account person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag chock full of green bills with big denominations. This is a highly unusual event, and the account person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money. She says, "Gambling." "Gambling?" he says. "What sort of gambling?" "Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, I've got one hundred thousand dollars right here that says by noon tomorrow, your balls will be square, and I'll even give you four to one odds. You got twenty five thousand dollars you'd be willing to wager on that?" she asks. The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from a sweet little old lady, but he didn't get to be the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank without knowing something about money. "I suppose I could come up with enough to cover that sort of wager, but I wouldn't feel right taking it from you. There's no way you can win a bet like that!" The little old lady just shakes the bag, and says, "I know what I'm doing. I can afford to lose, though I'm not going to. Is it a bet?" "Okay, have it your way," says the president, and they shook hands on it. "See you at eleven-fifty-five tomorrow morning," says the little old lady, and with that she leaves. The next morning at 11:55, the little old lady arrives with a younger man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank president's office. The president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. He's gotten almost no sleep last night, waking every few minutes to feel his balls to check for impending squareness, but nothing happened all night. He has checked hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing. When the little old lady arrives, he starts to relax, knowing he has won. "Come in, please have a seat! Who might this gentleman be?" says the president. "He's my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want to have a witness. Any objections?" "No, perfectly understandable," says the president. "Well, it's now noon, and I'm still unchanged, so I guess I win!" "Not so fast!" says the little old lady. "For a hundred grand I want to verify things personally! Please drop your pants." The bank president is a bit flustered, but agrees that in her position he'd want proof as well, so he drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches out to feel the organs in question. "Okay, you win, here's your hundred grand," says the little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall and moaning. "What's wrong with him?" asks the bank president. "Oh, he's just upset. Poor loser if you ask me. You see, we had a million dollar bet that I would have the President of the Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls by noon today."

Classic Donuts

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."


A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them"

Opening for you

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," he said, "What is it?" "It's called the door!"

Poking eyes

A guy walks past a mental hospital and hears a moaning voice "13.......13.......13.........13" the man looked over to the hospital and saw a hole in the wall, he looked through the hole and gets poked in the eye. The moaning voice then groaned '14.........14.........14.......14.'


The rates of Crimes are so high in some cities.While entering Mosque you have to lock your sandles.